When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
