that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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