Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
