I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
