How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
