but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
