the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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