The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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