I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
