People in love make me want to vomit
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
