If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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