WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
