Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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