You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
