Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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