Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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