i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
