tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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