ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
