Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize