mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
