Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
