my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
and she was petting her beer can
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
