if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
