Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
