Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
