Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm at about main and main street
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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