so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
