I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
