you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
