He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
