Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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