Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
