Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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