If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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