Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
