Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
