Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
