Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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