During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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