If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize