it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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