Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
