Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize