Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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