we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
