So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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