When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
