We won't sleep together?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize