what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
