i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
