Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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