I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
