No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I supernannyed him into submission
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
