Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He felt like a one man threesome
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
