Having a random hookup so left but love u
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
