I want to make a zoo with you.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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