So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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