Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
