I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
