Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
