i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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