1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need a beard to bite.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
