My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
