my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
