I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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