I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
