Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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