how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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