im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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